(Don't link this publicly anywhere, please. Fine to send it to people who might pass it along though.)

Age: 35
Gender: Cis male, mostly hetero
Height: 5'10 / 177cm
Location: Washington DC
Career: independent/entrepreneurial
Monogamy? Non-monogamous
Wants kids? Maybe
Vegan: Yes

Hi—I’m Lincoln. Successful founder. Community and family-oriented (no kids at the moment). I’m partnered and poly, and looking foremost for deep, meaningful connections but open to casual dating as well.

Pros Cons
Well-loved in his community Introvert-leaning, avoids spotlights
Good interpersonal listening skills (for a nerd anyway) Trouble accessing his own emotions
Generous and altruistically oriented Afraid to be disliked; doesn’t like taking social risks
Not neurotic Not self-aware about personal habits; not a natural at grooming
Good rationality skills around perspective-taking Shame and lack of self-knowledge around sex
Good at cooking Only cooks vegan food
Fit, lifts weights Skinny

We might be a good match if you

Are also altruistically motivated: you think about the consequences of your actions, and want the best for others. You don’t think people (including animals) should have to suffer or die.

Are outgoing—talkative, energetic types tend to attract, thrill and complement me.

Have earned wisdom through life experience and hold your loved ones to high standards. You know that people can change, and this shapes the way you interact.

Are ambitious—trying to do hard things in the world, one way or another. You are prepared to put absurd amounts of time and energy into the most important things.

Are looking for an emotional connection, not just a sexual one.

Are a thoughtful communicator.

Are aiming to reduce our impact on animals. You don’t have to be vegan, but you’ll be around someone who cares a lot about it.

About me

I have a deep lifelong interest in understanding systems, everything from a mechanical system like a bike or computer program, to the minds of my friends (psychological systems), to politics and memetics (sociological systems). One of my projects is trying to understand the sociology and psychology around how people make their decision about where to live—I think too many people give up on solving this problem for themselves properly, and take an easy option (often to defer tough decisions), even when they could get big benefits by putting extra energy in sooner.

I enjoy cycling & hiking, frontend coding, cooking, puzzles of all kinds, reading, writing, skiing and listening to podcasts. I also keep a personal website, where you can find more about me including my blog.

I’m looking to date people who I will connect with, who will help me discover new parts of myself, who will make me think and grow.

A previous partner reviewed me; some highlights:

  • deeply oriented toward the truth
  • can’t think of a single time he has said something uncharitable in an argument
  • preternaturally good at self-improvement
  • a gentle curiosity in others that draws people near
  • nerd-snipe him and his eyes instantly light up

Location

I’m based in Washington DC currently, but regularly travel around the East Coast (I have friends and family in Massachusetts and NYC). Less regularly, but still often enough to be worth thinking about, I make it to the Bay Area and London, other parts of Europe, and west/east Africa.

Family

I own a big house in DC, and am investing in my “chosen family” by trying to recruit people I love into the house. Right now this is all adults, and I’m happy with that—but some sort of allo- or co-parenting is on the table; in general I am willing to invest a lot into a great situation with a (broadly-defined) family.

I don’t currently have kids, and my partner doesn’t want to have her own kids. I might want kids of my own, or to help raise other people’s kids, or adopt, or something, in the future. No time pressure though.

Feeding my friends' twins!

Career & Finance

I was bitten as a teenager by the entrepreneurship bug. After undergrad, I began a Ph.D program in computer science, but left to start a company. After Y Combinator and several failed startups, I started Sendwave in 2014, spun off Wave in 2020 or thereabouts (depends on exactly how you count) and sold Sendwave. I worked at Wave until 2025. As of this writing, I’m trying to figure out how to create a second phase in my career; I’ve discovered a lot of interest and excitement about dedicating in the direction of ending factory farming, but we’ll see how it shakes out.

Attraction and Sexuality

Definitely into women, lots of different types are ok. I have tried going on dates with men, I can sometimes get a romantic attraction to men (who tend to be kind, soft-spoken guys) but tend to have very little sexual attraction.

I’ve just started exploration of fantasies and bdsm stuff. I don’t take to it all that naturally but I do have a bit of a submissive streak. I also have been discovering I have a bit of shame/repression around sex and my sexual preferences, so please be patient with me, but I am excited to learn and try more things!

I (weakly) identify as demisexual, meaning that my sexual interest tends to be slower to come online and after deeper romance and connection.

Poly, ENM, etc

I have been with my partner since 2021-ish. I love her a lot—our relationship is going well and I expect it to continue. She’s fairly experienced with polyamory; me less so, but I’m learning both from her and other people that I date.

We decided a few years ago to make the relationship non-monogamous: we’re very into each other, but also we don’t want to grow too codependent or only rely only on each other for emotional support, romantic adventures, sex and cuddles. In particular, she identifies as asexual but really enjoys dating and romance; I am excited about more sex and companionship with people I have close emotional bonds with. We’re aiming to be highly intentional and communicative about polyamory.

There is some asymmetry in our poly situation since it is fairly easy for her to find people to go out with, and it’s been much harder for me!

We don’t have a rules-based hierarchical dating structure—we are both ‘allowed’ to date other people as seriously as we wish. But in practice, it does often make most sense to start new partners as secondary-in-practice, with possibility of renegotiating later.

I expect to discuss my dates in substantial detail with my partner, although I am willing to keep things private if requested. Over time, if we get serious, I would want my dates to meet her and ideally get along well!

Me and my partner

What to talk about with me

You can either ask me about these things, or just open up and share something that affects you!

  • People in your life: I get a lot from knowing more about how people interact with their friends, other partners, work colleagues, family, etc. I like thinking about social dynamics and learning more about people. (It’s not going to be weird to talk about other partners with me.)
  • what inspires you? how can we create a better world, for ourselves or the animals?
  • related: sexuality and dating. what sexual or romantic situations have made an impact on you? what are you looking forward to?
  • any nonfiction you read or heard recently in science, tech, economics, philosophy, etc., especially related to potentially big impacts on the world?
  • anything you read or heard in fiction, shows, movies, etc. that inspired you or taught you something useful?
  • community: how do you view your community? what are you looking for?
  • rose/bud/thorn - things that you are grateful for or are going well, things that suck, and things that you’re looking forward to
  • it’s always ok to talk about anxieties, fears, things that aren’t going well, and so on; I’m a good listener.

Ok, let’s meet

Send me a Signal message (lincoln.06) or email me (lincoln@techhouse.org). Write something about yourself, or link a similar doc. Pictures are helpful, as well as getting someone else to write you an intro or glowing review!

Prefer in-person to video chat, but we can make it work over video too.

And if you think we should meet up but not sure when in the same city, send me a message: I keep a list of people to see in various cities, and I’ll reach out if I travel to you!

Review from a previous partner

Lincoln can be described in all the normal ways: smart, energetic, tries hard to make the world a better place. But he has a lot of other traits to the extreme. My favorite—he is deeply oriented toward the truth. He tries really hard to have good models of the world, and to act without bias. In four years of dating, I can’t think of a single time he has said something uncharitable in an argument, or done something unfair. He listens when given feedback; when he’s in the wrong, he changes his mind or behavior quickly without defensiveness.

He’s also one of the least neurotic people I know. Not a lot of ups and downs. Not particularly anxious. Never reacting from a place of ego or emotional need. He’s just…steady. I do get the sense that his current social skills were learned, not inherent. He doesn’t have the intuitive social responses of my therapist-type friends, and he wouldn’t be the most charming one at a dinner party. He was likely awkward as a kid—social, but fully engrossed with his geeky crew. I don’t think he grew up with very nuanced models of others.

But he likes people and is preternaturally good at self-improvement, and he grew all those pieces into what they are today. I’ve seen him operate in communities, and he’s well loved. He has a gentle curiosity in others that draws people near, original and interesting thoughts on things, and an earnestness that people know they can trust.

He has relentless project energy. His parents are like this too. It’s striking. I could nerd-snipe him with nearly any plan (for anything!) and his eyes instantly light up.